Santa Banta Jokes

Santa was standing in sun on a hot sunny day.
Banta asked: What are you doing?
Santa: Drying sweat

Santa – My wife died yesterday.I’m trying to cry but tears are not come out, what to do?
Banta – No Problem. Just Imagine she Came Back.

After Eating Fish Santa Don’t Drink Water because
He Feared That Fish Will Start Swimming In His Stomach.

Santa: I’ve Been Sending E-mails To William Shakespeare.
Banta: William Shakespeare Is Dead, Stupid.
Santa: No Wonder He Hasn’t Replied As Well.

Policeman: Why Are You Driving On The Sidewalk?
Santa: It’s Too Dangerous To Drive On Street, Alot Of Accidents Are Happening Now A Days.

What’s Ford?
Santa: Gaari.
What’s Oxford?
Santa: So simple, Bail Gaari.

Santa went out to buy an Indian flag.
The shop owner gave him the flag.
Guess what did he ask next… Ismein aur colour dikhayiye.

Teacher to Santa: is line ki English banao, usne apna kaam kiya or karta hi gaya.
Santa: He done his work and done dana dan done dana dan…

Santa and Banta were watching a cricket match. When Dhoni hits a boundary.
Banta: Kya Goal mara.
Santa: Raha Na bewakoof ka bewakoof, Goal is mein nahin cricket mein hota hai

An astronomer was watching the sky from his telescope
Santa Singh was observing him, Suddenly a star falls, seeing that Santa Singh shouted,
“Kya nishana lagaya hai.

Why Santa is standing below the Tube light with an open mouth.
Because Doctor has advised him: ‘Aaj Light Khana hai.

Santa was drawing money from ATM.
Banta, who was just behind him in the line said: I’ve seen your password.
It’s ****. Sant:  You are wrong. It’s 1394.

Santa walks into a library & says, “Can I have a burger and coke?” Librarian, “I’m sorry, this is a library.”
Santa whispers, “Can I have a burger & fries?”

Banta asked Santa: Why ManMohan Singh goes for a walk in evening?
Santa: Very simple, because He is PM not AM

Once Professor Santa asked a plumber to come to his college. You know why?
Because he wanted to check from where the question paper is leaking.

Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatoes five days ago, he hasn’t come back yet!
Santa: Why don’t you cook something else.

A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa doesn’t turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies: I’m coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out.

Santa standing on platform suddenly jumps on the railway track.
Banta: Santa you will die.
Santa: You will die because haven’t you heard train is coming on platform?

Santa & Banta got tired of mobile & decide to use pigeons.
One day a pigeon reaches Banta without message. Angry Banta calls Santa!
Santa: Oye, this was a missed call.

Santa : Among My Four Sons Three are Engineers
Friend: Fourth?
Santa : Useles, Don’t Study, Became A Barber
Friend: Why ,Don’t you Throw Him Out ?
Santa : Because He is the Only One Who Earns.

Santa: Doctor,This Medicine
Is Not Available At Any Medical Store.”
Doctor: Oh Sorry,
I Forgot To Write The Medicine.
That Was My Signature.

Santa: Should I Buy Tickets For My Children.?
Conductor: Yes! Only If They Are Above 8.
Santa: Thank God I Have Only 6 Children..!!

Santa:I made my son fool
Santa:Last night,he stole all my money and spent it
Banta:But how u fooled him?
Santa: I was awoken but didnt stop him!

Banta : Why Is The Police Nicknamed “The Heart Of The Country”?
Santa : It Beats, Beats, Beats.

Tourist: Whose Skeleton Is That?
Santa: Tipu Sultan?s Skeleton.
Tourist: And Smaller Skeleton Next To It?
Santa: Tipu?s When He Was Child.

Santa Was In Shopping Store.
Salesman: Sir Would you Like To Use A Pocket Calculator?
Santa:- No Thanks. I Know How Many Pockets I Have.

Santa Ask Banta: Why are you Watching The Funeral By Binocular. . . ?
Banta Replies: Yaar Duur Ka Rishtedaar Tha Bechaara.

Santa was driving car zigzag and rashley..!
Traffic cop caught him..
Santa- Sir I am Learning how to drive..!
Cop said- without instructor..?
Santa said- yeh correspondence course hai.

SANTA goes for a interview for the post of a DETECTIVE.
Interviewer Asked- WHO KILLED GANDHI..?
SANTA- Thanks for giving me the JOB.
I will Investigate.

Santa asked Banta the full form of MATHS
Banta said, Mentally affected teachers harassing students.

Titanic was sinking.
An Englishman asked Santa, “How far is land”?
Santa: 2 KMs.
Englishman jumped into sea.
Englishman: Now, which direction?
Santa: Downwards!

Santa: I have swallowed a key.
Doctor: When?
Santa: 3 months back!
Doctor: What were you doing till now?
Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too.

Santa and Banta went for a drive.
Santa: Hey, look out from the window, are the indicators working or not?
Banta puts his head out & says “Yes-No, Yes-No, Yes-No, Yes-No!!!”

Santa looking at himself in the mirror, “I have seen this man somewhere”.
After half an hour, “Oh, its the same man, who married my wife.”

Salesman:This computer will cut your workload by 50%.
Santa:That is great,I will take two of them:

Santa goes to a Petrol Pump sees a board Don”t use Mobile Here,
He Picks his Mobile Phone Calls everyone from his phone & says DON”T CALL ME NOW.

Maths Teacher Was Teaching Mathematical Conversions
1000 Kgs= Ton.
For 3000 Kgs =How Much?
Santa- Ton!Ton!Ton!

Santa had a dream in which someone murdered him.
Next day he closed his bank account. Know why?
Because the bank’s slogan was: We make your dreams come true…

Santa was traveling with his wife in a cab, he saw the driver adjust the mirror.
Santa shouted: You are trying to see my wife? Sit behind. I will drive.

Teacher: What is the difference between an Orange and an Apple?
Santa: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE.

Santa at an interview in an IT Company.
Manager: Do you know MS Office?
Santa: If you give me the address, I will go there sir.

Teacher: Which is the oldest animal in the world?
Santa: ZEBRA.
Teacher: How?
Santa: Because it is Black and White.

Banta without a licence was going in the two wheeler. The traffic police caught him and asked for the licence. He told I know the IG. All police saluted him. After some time he says but the IG DOES not know me.

Santa goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead. The manager comes running and asks him, ‘Prahji, aap kya kar rahe ho?’ To this the man replies,
‘Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai,’Wash Basin’.

Santa and Banta opened a restaurant and placed a sign outside the restaurant – Closed 4 hours a day.
Simply because they knew numbering up to 3 only.

Mrs Santa travelling by a DTC bus with her nine childern who occupied seats all over the bus. An irate lady passenger admonished her: ‘ Behenji, apnee raizgaree sambhall leejiye.’ ( Please collect your small change.)
Mr Santa snapped back: ‘ Aisey lagta hai abhee aap ka note toota nahin.’ ( It appears your currency note is still intact.)

Banta Singh saw an exhausted Santa Singh running up to him.
What happened to you Santaji?”
“There was this nasty big bull in my street that nearly killed me today.”
“Oh really, what happened?”
“I was just walking quietly wearing this red shirt, when the animal came charging at me like a locomotive!He almost got me!”
“So, how’d you get away?”
“Well the bull kept slipping. He slipped three times, and that gave me a chance to make it to the fence and jump over.”
“That”s scary Santaji. If it’d been me, I would probably have shit all over the place.”
“Oye! I DID! What do you think the bull was slipping on?”Contributed by: Ankur, U.S.A.

Santa slapped Banta
Banta: did you slapped me seriously or for fun ?
Santa: seriously
Banta: bach gaya !
I wont accept Funny things with me.

Santa: Look a thief has entered our kitchen and he is eating the cake I made.
Banta: Whom should I call now,Police or Ambulance?

Banta to Santa: Oye Yeh Sent Message Kya Hota Hai
Santa:Jis Msg Mein Khushbo Ho Use Sent Message Kehte Hai

Santa,banta dono bhai same class me they
Teacher:Tum dono ne father name alag kyu likha?
Brothers: Madam tusi Fer kahoge nakal maar layi.

Santa opened a petrol pump,but not even one customer went there.
You know why?
Because he opened petrol pump on second floor.

Judge: why are you arrested?
Santa: for shopping early?
Judge: well, thats not a crime,anyway how early were you shopping?
santa: before opening the shop.

Santa:Tum Kitne Saal se Jalebi Bana Rahe Ho?
Halwai:30 Saal Se..!
Santa: Badi Sharm Ki Baat he tumse Aaj Tak Jalebi Sidhi Nai Bani.

Banta: Ye chithi tum kise likh rahe ho?
Santa: khud ko
Banta: Isme kya likha hai?
Santa: malum nahi
Banta: kyu?
santa: Abhi mujhe mili kaha hai ?

Santa and Banta were fixing a bomb in a car.
Santa: What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
Banta:Dont worry, I have one more.

Santa to Bill Gates: Tusi bade pagal ho!
Gates: Why?
Santa: surname Gates rakha hai. Or business WINDOWS ka karde ho.

Santa: maine mere beta ka naam AMERICA rakha hai
Banta: kyun?
Santa:me duniya ko dikhana chahta hu ki mein AMERICA ka BAAP hoon..

Santa: Mujhe Tou Aankhey Band Karney Par Bhi Dikhayi Deta Hai.
Banta: Achchaa, Kya Dikhta Hai?
Santa: Andhera

Captain of Military: Naujawano aage bado;Santa aage nahi bada;
Captain: tum aage kyu nahi bade?
Santa: Apne kaha 9 jawano aage bado, mein 10ve.

Santa bought a new mobile.
He called everyone from his Phone Book & said “My Mobile No. has changed.
Earlier it was Nokia 3310 Now it is 6610.”

Santa : I am a Proud Santa, My son is in Medical College.
Banta : Really, what is he studying?
Santa : No he is not studying, they are Studying him.

Santa: What is Common between Krishna, Ram, Gandhiji & Jesus?
Banta: All are Born on Government Holidays.

Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write for mother tongue?
Banta: Very long!

Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.
Santa: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi?

Banta was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
The judge: What will you take 30 days or Rs.3000?
Banta: I think I will take the money.

Santa: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion’s cage.
Banta: He probably might have got a lot of applause when he came out.
Santa: He never came out of the cage!

Santa found answer to the most difficult question ever
What comes first the chicken or the egg?
O yaar, jiska order pehle doge, vo ayega!

Teacher to Banta: Where were you born?
Banta : In Tiruvanantapuram.
Teacher : Spell it?
Banta : (after thinking) I think I was born in GOA.

Santa : People consider me as a GOD
Banta : How do you know??
Santa : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD! You have came again.

Santa complained to Police : Sir all items are missing, except the TV in my house.
Police : Why did the thief not take the TV?
Santa : I was watching the TV.

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