Santa Banta Jokes

A man to santa: Aao ji chess khelein.
Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.

Santa ki ladai apne baapu se ho gayi
To usne apne baapu ki photo kabristan me ek ped pe latka dee
Aur niche likha “Coming Soon”

A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match.
All were busy writing except our Santaji.
He wrote “DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!”

Santa : pehle me apni biwi ko BA karwaunga fir MA fir Phd karwaunga fir badiya si naukri dilwaunga.
Banta : fir acha sa rishta dekh kar uski shaadi bhi karwa diyo.

Santa apne father ke samne ciggrate pi raha tha ,Logon ne kaha ke aap apne father ke samne cigratte pi rahay ho?
Santa bola : Wo mere father hai, koi petrol pump thodi.

Interviewer : Imagine, in a closed room, how can you escape if it caught fire?
Santa : Simple, Stop imagining.

Santa : O Banno Car ki speed itani kyo badha di..?
Biwi : Oji Car ki break fail ho gayi hai, accident ho jaye iske pehele ghar pahunch jaate hai.

Santa banta were fighting after exam.
Sir: Why are you fighting?
santa : This fool left the answer sheet blank,
Sir: So what?
santa: Even i did the same thing, now teacher will think that we both copied.

Santa traveling first time in plane going to BOMBAY,
while landing, he shouted : “BOMBAY-BOMBAY”,
air hostess : ” B-silent please “,
santa said : ” OMBAY – OMBAY…..!!!!!!!! ”

Santa’s wife hit him on the head with the frying pan.
Santa: What was that for?
Santa’s Wife: I found a paper in your pocket with the same BASANTI on it.
Santa: I bet on a horse last week and BASANTI was the name of my horse.
Santa’s wife: Oho Sorry
Next day she hit him with the frying pan again.
Santa: now what happened?
Santa’s wife: your horse is on the phone.

Santa police: putt aaj toh tera khedna band,tera result bda bekar aaya hai.
Puttar : pape le far 50 rupey te mamla rafa dafa kar eth hi.

Puttar:papa mainu ik baja lya do?
Santa:fer taan sab nu tang karega?
Puttar:nahi pape jado sare so jange,bus use time bajawanga.

Santa:jado asman wich bijli kadakdi h, taan roshni pehlan te awaz bad ch kyun aundi hai?
Banta:tenu ena v nhi pta, saadiya aankha age te kan piche hai, islayi.

Santa: jado me savere uthda haan, taan mehsoos karda haan ke bahar ja ke mainu job mil gyi!
Banta: fer mildi h ke nhi?
Santa: bed te lete mehsoos karda haan.

Teacher: Eho jihe janwar da naa daso dharti te pani dona wich rehnda hai?
Santa:mendak.
Teacher:isto milde 2 hor naa daso?
Santa: mendak da papa, te mendak di maa.

Santa: Apni nvi car de tyre kad riha si,
Banta: Tu tyre kyun kad riha hai.
Santa: Tenu dikhda nahi board te likhya hai, parking is only for two wheelers.

Ik ghar wich aag lag gyi, te 25-30 log andar si,
Santa andar gya te 5-6 nu bahar kad laya,is te
santa nu police fad ke le gyi.
Kyu? Kyun ki santa 6 firemen nu bahar kad laya si.

Santa:Baraf de tukde nu var var dekh riha si,
Banta: ki dekh riha h?
Santa: me labh riha haan ke eh leak kitho ho rha hai.

Santa : pehli var plane wich bethiya,
Plane hune runway te ja riha si ke santa ne pilot nu ik thapad jad dita,
te boliya, je sadak toh hi jana hunda taan plane de paise jarur dene si.

Santa samosa wichon aaloo aaloo kha riha si te bahar da hisa sut riha si,
Banta puchda hai ke tu samosa cho sirf aaloo aaloo kyun kha riha hai?
Santa:Dr. ne mainu bahar di chezan khan to mana kita hai.

Santa : English wich apni family nu introduce karwanda hai,
Hi, I am Santa,
wife nu, she is my sardarni.
Putt nu, he is my kid.
beti nu , she is my kidney.

Santa : Pizza hut wich ja ke 1 pizza order karda hai.
Waiter:sir isnu 4 tukdiyan wich kattan ke 8?
Santa :yaar 4 hi kar de 8 khaye nahi jayenge.

Puttar:O rab punjab nu india di capital bna de !
Santa :kyu?
Puttar:me paper wich india di capital punjab likh ke aa gya.

Puttar: papa ki tusi hanere wich v likh sakde ho ?
Santa : haan sayad, likhna kithe hai, te likhna ki hai?
Puttar: jyada nahi,bus report card te tuhade sign chaide hai!

Santa:train di patri te so gya,
Banta:je Train aa gyi taan tu mar jayega?
Santa:le aina vada plane uppron langh gya train ki cheez hai.

Bhikari: sir mainu 6 Rs de do.
Santa : 6 Kyu ?
Bhikari: chaye pini hai!
Santa : chaye taan Rs 3 di hai.
Beggar : 1 meri girlfrnd lyi!
Santa : oye tu girlfrnd v bnayi hai?
bhikari: Nahi sir, girlfrnd ne mainu bhikari banaya hai.

Santa(jailor) to Banta: Das Phansi to pehla, akhri tamna ki hai?
Banta: Meri lattan utte te siir thale kar ke phansi la do.

Santa : oye eh das notaan de utte jehde gandhiji chape hunde hai oh har vele hasde kyun rehnde hai?
Banta : Kyun ki je oh ro paye taan paise v taan giile ho jawega.


Exam wich Santa nu pucha gya: Akal vadi ke Bhains?
Santa badi der bad soch ke , Tusi menu ullu samjde ho ki? Date of birth taan tusi dsya hi nahi.

Santa : oye banta car di speed kyun wada riha hai,
Banta : car di break fail ho gyi, isto pehlan ke koi accident ho jave, Ghar jaldi puj jande hai.

Santa te banta de jungle wich jannde hoye samno sher aa gya,
santa sher di aakhan wich mitti pa ke nathan lgya te banta nu v nathan lyi kiha,
Banta : Mein kyun nathan mitti taan tu payi hai.

Santa(Doctor) to banta: tuhanu brain tumer hai
Banta : oye hoye khush khabari,
Santa : tusi ene khush kyu ho ?
Banta : Is toh ae gal sabit hundi hai ki mere kol dimag taan hai.

SANTA :school wich ik sfed te ik kala shoes pa ke aa gya,
Principal: ja ghar ja ke shoes badal k aa,
SANTA : sir ghar ja ke koi faeeda nhi, ghar wich v ik sfed te ik kala shoes hi hai.

Santa banta nu: tu bike ini tej kyun chla riha hai?
banta: ae khat bda urgent dena hai,
santa:kithe?
banta:address padhan da time nahi milya hune..

Santa: Rs.10cr di lottery jeet janda hai, dealer tax kad ke santa nu Rs.9cr de dinda hai.
Banta : oye dealer ! ye taan mainu pure Rs.10 cr dede ya pher mere Rs.10 vapas kar de .

Santa in exam hall: oye aaj taan koi question nahi aaunda, saare question de thale kuch line la dinda hai,
\\\\\\\\\\\\

te thale Likh dinda Hai
Scratch Kr Ke  sariya de jawab Padh Lo.

Santa : bike te ja riha si. rah wich jande banta nu puchda hai,Ki tenu lift chaidi hai?
Banta : nhi mera ghar taan ground floor te hi hai.

Santa te banta jungle to ja rhe si,
achanak ik sher samno aa gya,
santa : chal isde naal ladde hai,
banta : oye kuch taan laaz kar eh ik te asi do.

Santa : cycle te jande hoye 1 kudi nu takar mar dinda hai,
Kudi : ghanti nahi mari jandi,
santa : kudiye pagal lagdi hai, eni vadi cycle mar diti hun ghanti alag toh maran ki ?

Santa: dunali le ke darwaje te khadiya si,
banta: tu ethe kyun khadiya hai,
santa : sher da shikar karan jana hai,
banta : te ja pher ?
santa : kiven javan buhe mure kutta khadiya hai.

Santa: Do you know about this fax-machine?
Banta: What’s wrong?
Santa: I sent a fax, and the recipient called back to say all she received was a blank page. I tried it again, but..
Banta: How did you load the sheet?
Santa: I didn’t want anyone else to read it by accident, so I folded it.

Banta: Tumne apni patni ko birthday par diamond ring kiyon di? Woh to car chahti thi na?
Santa: par mai nakali car kaha se leke ata?

CID: Why criminals leave their fingerprints after crime?
Santa: Sir, they are uneducated. If they are educated, they would leave their signature.

Santa completed his MBBS & did his 1st operation soon after finishing the patient dead
He prayed: bhagavan mera pehla “gift” swikar karo.

Teacher: Can you tell me two creatures which do not have teeth?
Santa: I will tell ma’am
Teacher: Tell me
Santa: Grandma and grandpa.

Ques: Cyclone kise kahte hai
Santa- cycle kharidane ke liye jo loan lete hai
use cyclone kahte hai.

Santa ne Banta se kaha, ”sabse bada challenge kya hai?”
Banta replied – answer sheet ko khaali chod do aur last me likh dena,
paas karke dikha.

Doctor:Kamjori hai, Fruite khaya karo chilke sahit
after 1 hour
Santa:Mere Pet me Dard ho raha hai
Doctor:Kya khaya tha?
Santa:Pineapple, chilke sahit.

In an exam, a girl sitting on desk next to santa asked, “Mujhe is answer ki starting batado baki main likh lungi”
Santa said, “The answer of this question is, baki tum likhlo”

American:We first landed in Moon
Russian:We first landed in Venus
Santa:We first landed in Sun
American:You cant. Its too hot there
Santa: So what? We landed at Night

Santa ne shampoo kharida.
Santa: iske sath jo gift hai do
Shopkeeper: iske sath koi gift nahi hai
Santa: jhoothe! ispe likha hai “Dandruff Free”

Santa ek sadhu se mila.
Sadhu:Kuchh daan karo bachcha.
Santa ne 50 Rs. de dia
SADHU Khush ho ke:Mang beta, kya chahiye?
Santa:Baba, mere 50 Rs wapas dedo.

Santa: yaar tum subah se mitti khod rahe ho,kya baat hai?
Banta: kuch nahi yaar, Dada ji ne kaha ke, maine unka naam mitti me mila dia hai. Bas wohi dhoond raha hoon.

Santa called wife: Me ghar der se aaunga! Car ka steering, gear, sab chori ho gaya hai. Samajh me nahi ata, Gaadi kaise leke jaaun.
Aftr 5 minutes he called again: Me araha hu, pehle pichli seat pe baith Gaya tha.

Santa apni 6 months ki Baby ki aawaz record kar raha tha.
Banta ne puchha iska kya karoge?
Santa: Jab ye badi ho jayegi to ise suna kar iska matlab puchhunga.

Interviewer: Whats the relation between Earth & Moon?
Santa: Brother & Sister
Inter: How?
Santa: Earth Dharti mata and Moon Chanda Mama.


Santa Ne Apne 6 Month Ke Baby Ki Birthday party arrange ki, kisi ne pucha: 6 month ki baby ka Birthday kese?
Santa: Hum Semester System Ko Follow Karte Hai.

Santa : Main Apna Purse Ghar Bhool Aaya Mujhe 1000 Rs Chahiye
Banta : Dost Hi Dost Ke Kam Aata Hai. Le 10 Rs, Riksha Kar Aur Ja Ke Purse Le Aa.

KBC me Amitabh to Santa – What’s your father’s name?
Santa khamosh baitha raha
Amitabh- Jawaab dijiye!
Santa- Sir, apne option hi nahi dia!

Santa– Agar nariyal ke ped pe chadh jaun to Engg college ki ladkiyan dikh jayengi?
Banta- Zaroor!! Aur haath chhod dega to medical college ki bhi dikh jayengi.

In an aeroplane Santa was trying to snatch the headphone from the Pilot
Pilot: What are you doing?
Santa: Ticket Hum Dein, Aur Gaane Tu Akela Sune!

Banta : Agar aapko Garmi lage to aap kya karte ho?
Santa : Cooler k samne baith jata hu.
Banta : Phir bhi Garmi lage to?
Santa : To Cooler on kar leta hu.

Santa was walking through the forest
He saw a snake hanging on the tree!
Santa: Sirf latakne se kuch nahi hoga! Mummy ko bolo Complan pilaayein!

Santa Joined New Job & Spent 11 Hrs On Computer
Boss Was Happy and Asked, Wat Did you do?
Santa: The Alphabets in the Keyboard were Not In Order, I Arranged Them.


Santa – Dil ke operation ko Bypass kyun kehte hain??
Banta – Oye simple hai!, agar operation theek ho gaya to PASS! Warna hamesha ke liye BYE!

Santa : Judge Saab, Mujhe Divorce Chahiye
judge : Kyun?
Santa : Meri Biwi Ne ek Saal Se Mujhse Baat Nahi Ki
Judge : Ek Bar Phir Sochle Beta, Aisi Biwi Nasib Walon Ko Milti Hai.

Santa : Tum Next Janam Me Kya Ban’na Pasand Karoge?
Banta : A Cockroach
Santa : Why?
Banta : Because Meri Wife Sirf Cockroach Se Darti Hai.

Santa Drives In To 1-Way & Cross NO ENTRY Board
Police:No ENTRY Ka Board Nai Dekha?
Santa:Mujhe Laga Film Ka Poster Hai.

Santa: Do You Know English?
Banta:Yes
Santa:Ok! Tell me What Is The Opposite Of Naag Panchmi?
Banta:So Simple Yar, Naag! Do Not Punch Me.

Taxi Wala:Sir Sorry, Mai Meter Chalu Karna Bhul Gaya Tha
Santa:Oyye Praji Koi Gal Nai Mai. Bhi Apna Batwa Bhul Gaya Hu!

Santa : Yaar Tumne School Ana Kyu Chhod Diya?
Banta : Yaar Actually Mere Dad Kehte Hain Ke 1 Jagah Bar Bar Jane Se
Izzat Kam Ho Jati Hai.

Santa Army ka Interview dene gaya
Army Man:Agar Maidan Mein Tumhare Paas Goliyan Khatam Ho Jaye To Kya Karoge?
Santa:Janab, Mein Awazen Nikalunga … Dhishkoon … Dishkoon

Santa : Maine Kal Katrina Kaif Se Phone Pe Baat Ki
Banta : That’s Great Yaar .. Usne Kya Kahaa..??
Santa : Usne Kaha WRONG NUMBER.

Santa-banta Ko 2 Bomb Miley
santa:Chal Police Ko De Ke Ate Hain
banta:Agar Koi Bomb Raste Me Phat Gya To?
santa:Jhoot Bol Denge Ki 1 Hi Mila Tha.

Santa Bakri Le Kar Bus Mein Sawar Hua
To Logon Ne Uski Bahot Pitai ki
Santa:Mere Sath ek Lady Na Hoti To Tumhe Batata.

Teacher:2 Aisi Cheezo K Naam Batao,Jinhe Nashte Me Nhi Kha Sakte
Santa: Sir! Lunch Aur Dinner.

Banta:Tumhare Papa Kitne Saal Ke Hain?
Santa:Jitne Saal Ke Hum Hai.
Banta:Wo Kaise?
Santa:Oye, Jis Din mai Paida Hua, Usi Din To Wo Papa Bane!

Santa– Cycle ka break hath me lekar nach raha tha.
Banta- ye kya kar rahe ho?
Santa – Oye! dikhta nahi, break dance kar raha hoon.

Bus ka accident hua. Ek aadmi ro raha tha- Mera haath kat gaya! Bahut dard ho raha hai.
Santa- Abe chhup! Wo dekh us aadmi ka to gala cut gaya fir bhi wo chhupchhap leta hai.

Santa ka radio kharab ho gaya, khol ke dekha to ander chuha mara hua tha,
Dekh ke santa bola ‘ae lo, singer to mar gaya.

Santa : Cheel ko english main kya kehte hain.
Banta : Eagle
Santa : Agar cheel bimar ho jaye to?
Banta : Illeagal.

Santa was sitting in a cricket ground
Security guard: cricket match is over now, why are you still sitting?
Santa: oye yaar, I am waiting for highlights.

Santa: uth…uth… bhukamp aa raha hai.
banta: soja.. soja.. makaan girega to makaan maalik ka girega, hum to kirayedar hain.

Shadi Me Santa aur Banta Bohat Der Tak Khana Kha Raha The
Banta : Aise aur Kab Tak Khaenge?
Santa : Oye Khotiya, Card Mai Likha Hai, Dinner 7pm To 10pm

Santa Bus Me Ja Raha Tha,
Samne Baithi Ek Aurat Apni Beti Ko, Bar Bar Bol Rahi Thi, “Jaldi Se Ye Halwa Khalo, Warna Mai wo Uncle Ko Dedungi”
Kuch der baad Santa Ghusse Se Bola:Behenji Aap Jaldi Faisla Karo,
Halwe Ke Chakkar Me 4 Stop Agge Aa Gaya Hoon.

Santa: Kal Raat Nu Film Vich Ik Chudail Kade
Mere Agge Kade Mere Piche Ghummi Ja Rai Si,
Banta: Kehri Film Si…?
Santa: Mere Viah Di Movie.

Banta: You cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to you.
Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all India Radio!

Museum Administrator: That’s a 500 year old statue u’ve broken.
Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.

Santa: Doctor, ye phulon ki mala kis k liye?
Doctor: Ye mera pehla operation hai, success hua to mere liye, nahi to tumhare liye.

Santa was writing the passive voice of ‘I made a mistake.’
He wrote: I was made by a mistake.

Santa bar vich ro reha si.
Bartender: Kyon ro rahe ho?
Santa: Hor ki karan? Main jis kudi da naa bhulna chahunda si usda naam yaad hi nahin aa reha.

Santa proposing a girl: Darling kya tum mujse shadi karogi?
Girl: Tameez se baat karo.
Santa: Behan ji, kya aap mujhse shaadi karoge?

Santa & Banta are walking down the road when Banta says: Look at that dog with one eye!
Santa covers one of his eyes and says: Where?

Santa ne PCO pe jate hi PCO wale ko 2 thappad laga diye. Socho kyon?
Because PCO ke bahar likha tha, dial karne se pahle 2 lagaye.

Banta k ghar ladka hua, par wo phir bhi dukhi tha?? Kyon?
Itne saalo baad, itni manato k baad ladka hua wo bhi chhota sa.

Santa had a dream in which someone murdered him. Next day he closed his bank account. Know why?
Because the bank’s slogan was: We make your dreams come true.

Santa : I can’t print .every time
I try ,it say ‘can’t find printer’.i even lifted the printer and placed on monitor.

Santa ped k upar ulta latka huya tha.
Banta- Tu ped par kyo latka hai.
Santa- Sar dard ki goli khayi thi, kahi pet me na chali jaye, isliye

Banta Kanjoos 14th floor se neche gira raha thaa.
Girte waqt usne apni ghar ki khirki me apni wife ko roti pakate hue dekha aur chilla k bola
“MERI ROTI NAHI PAKANA”

Old Santa Bhagwat Gita ka paath kar raha tha.
Santa’s Pota: Dada ji aap kis exam ki tayari kar rahi ho?
Old Santa: Final exam ki.

Passenger: Tumne mere jeb me hath kyu dala?
Santa: Muje machis chahi thi
Passenger: Tum muz se maag shakte the
Santa: Mai ajnabi se baat nahi karta.

Santa: Aaj mere parrosiyon ka bacha gum ho gya..
Friend: Phir tum ne kya kiya?
Santa: Maine un se kaha ‘google’ pr search kar lo.

Santa to Banta : Tum Bahaduri Wala Kon Sa Kaam Kar Sakte Ho?
Banta:Mai Saanp Ke Sath Khel Sakta Hun
Santa:Wo kaise?
Banta:Hamare Mobile Mai Saanp wala Game Jo Hai.

Santa to Doctor- Wen I sleep, Monkeys plays football in my mind!
Doctor- No problem! Just take these medicines before sleeping!
Santa- Kal se kha loonga! Aaj final hai.


Banta: Why did you buy ur wife a huge diamond ring for her B’day? I thought she wanted a car.
Santa: She did, but where in the world was I going to find a fake car?

Sadhu: Bachcha teri biwi ko chuddail chimar gayee hai. Upaaye karvaao.
Banta: Upaaye? Baba, agar do behenein gale mil rahi hain to is mein harz hi kya hai ?

Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?
Santa: Suicide karne ke liye
Banta: To phir ubalne ki kya zaroorat hai?
Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye.


Santa committing suicide, someone asked the reason.
He said: My wife ran with my friend and I can’t live without my friend.

Master: Kaka tenu pata hai ki teri umar wich Gandhi Ji, B.A. kar chuke si?
Santa: Sir tuhadi umar vich Bhagat Singh faansi vi chad chuke si.

Santa & Banta were looking at Egyptian mummy.
Santa: Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Banta: Aaho, lorry number is also written… BC 1760.

Santa bought a car on loan… He didn’t pay the dues, the bank took away his car.
Santa: If I knew this, I’d have taken a loan for my marriage also!

Santa 2 Salesman, “I want pink curtains for my computer screen”
BUT COMPUTERS DONT NEED CURTAINS!
Santa, “Oye I have Windows installed”

Santa: Today is Sunday I want to enjoy, so I bought 3 movie tickets
Jeeto: Why three?
Santa: For you and your parents.


Teacher-Whats ur father?
Santa- ICS in summer and PCS in winter
Teacher-what’s that?
Santa-Ice Cream Seller in the summer and Pakoda Chat Seller in the winter.

Santa was filling up application form for a job.
He was not sure what to be filled in column “Salary Expected”.
After much thought he wrote: YES

Santa’s donkey was missing
Santa’s donkey was missing. Santa was praying and thanking god.
Banta saw him and asked, “your donkey is missing; Why are you thanking god?”
Santa: I am thanking him because I wasn’t riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would also have been missing.

Santa: ,Why did the man put his radio in his refrigerator?
Banta: I give up.
Santa:,Stupid,because he wanted to hear cool music.